Your questions about therapy – answered honestly

If you’ve been wondering whether therapy might help but something keeps stopping you – you’re not alone. These are the questions I hear most often, from people who are just starting to think about this. There are no wrong questions here, and no judgement. Just honest answers.

You can read through everything, or jump to whichever question feels most relevant to you right now.

Am I in a bad enough state to need therapy?

I feel like something’s off, but I can’t really explain what. Is that enough of a reason to seek help?

It really is. In fact, that feeling, “I’m not quite myself, but I don’t know why”, is one of the most common reasons people come to therapy.

You don’t need to arrive with a clear diagnosis or a dramatic story to tell.

You just need to feel that something isn’t working.

What therapy can do, gently and over time, is help you make sense of yourself. It helps you understand where certain feelings are coming from. Once you begin to understand that, you can start to make changes that help you feel more like yourself again.

You don’t have to know what’s wrong. You just have to be willing to sit with it and see what comes.

I feel overwhelmed and snap at people, but surely I’m not in a bad enough state to need counselling?

This is something I hear a lot.
People imagine that counselling is for when something big and traumatic has happened, something that clearly justifies asking for help. But that’s not how it works.

Counselling is just as much for the quieter struggles – the irritability, the feeling of being stretched too thin, the sense that you’re not coping as well as you used to. These things matter. They’re telling you something.

The question isn’t “am I bad enough?”
The question is: what is it inside me that’s creating this?
What would help me feel different?
Therapy gives you a safe, honest space to explore that – whatever form it takes.

You don’t have to be at rock bottom before asking for support.

Life looks fine from the outside. A decent job, family, house.
But I feel somehow disconnected from it all. Would speaking to a counsellor help?

This is more common than most people realise – and more painful than it looks, precisely because it’s so hard to explain to anyone else, or even to yourself.
Everything looks right on paper.
And yet something feels flat, or like you’re going through the motions without really being present.

Often, this kind of disconnection comes from having spent a long time meeting everyone else’s needs, living according to other people’s expectations, or simply not having had the space to ask yourself what you actually want.

Therapy can help you start to listen to yourself again – without any pressure to be anywhere other than where you are.

Sometimes we know, deep down, what we want.
But we might be too fearful to voice it, because we think it’s out of reach, or because we’re not sure we deserve it.

That’s exactly the kind of thing that therapy creates space for.

What actually happens in therapy?

What is therapy, really? I’m not sure I understand what it actually involves.

At its simplest, therapy is a conversation in a space where you feel safe, where you won’t be judged, and where the focus is entirely on you.

A therapist is trained to listen.
Not just to what you’re saying, but to what might be underneath it.

They’ll reflect back what they hear, gently ask questions,
and help you begin to make sense of thoughts and feelings that might feel very tangled right now.

It’s not advice-giving.

It’s not being told what to do.

It’s much more human than that. A collaborative process between two people, where the goal is simply to help you understand yourself better and find your own way forward.

You can explore more about my own approach on the Working Together page.

I’m nervous about telling a stranger how I’m really feeling –
especially when I barely understand it myself.

That’s a completely understandable feeling, and one that many people have before their first session.

The idea of opening up to someone you’ve never met can feel exposing – even frightening. But here’s what’s important to know:

A good therapist isn’t expecting you to arrive with everything figured out.
You don’t need to know what to say or how to explain it.
You can come not knowing where to start – that’s a completely normal place to begin.

The relationship between a therapist and a client is actually a significant part of the process itself. When you feel genuinely listened to and accepted, something shifts. You begin to be able to access feelings and thoughts that felt too difficult to reach on your own.

You don’t have to explain yourself perfectly. Just arriving in the room or online session is enough to begin.

Do I need to know what I want to talk about before my first session?

Not at all. In fact, many people arrive at their first session without a clear sense of what they want to bring – and that’s completely fine.
Sometimes what comes up is the last thing you expected.

But that’s often because it’s what you actually needed to start with.
Something in the safety of that space allows things to surface that you hadn’t consciously planned to say.

There’s also no pressure to dive straight in.

It’s okay to spend the early sessions simply getting to know the therapist, noticing how you feel in the space, finding your feet. That process of settling in is part of the work, not a delay to it.

What’s the difference between counselling, therapy, and coaching?
I find the terminology confusing.

You’re not alone in finding this confusing – the terms are used interchangeably in a lot of places.

In broad terms, counselling tends to focus on exploring and processing feelings and experiences, often around specific difficulties.
Therapy is similar but sometimes goes deeper, working with longer-standing patterns and how the past shows up in the present.
Coaching has traditionally been more goal-focused – looking at where you want to get to and how to get there.

Some practitioners now blend all three – and that’s how I work. I use a mix of counselling, coaching, and mindfulness-based approaches, shaped by each person’s needs and use a blended model.

The most important thing isn’t the label, it’s finding someone whose approach feels right for you.

When therapy hasn’t worked before

I tried counselling once. All I did was talk. The counsellor didn’t tell me what to do and I didn’t feel like anything happened. Should I try again?

This is one of the most honest and important questions I hear – and I have a lot of respect for people who ask it, because it takes courage to consider trying again after a disappointing experience.

What you’re describing – talking and talking, and waiting for something to happen – is a really common experience, especially in the early stages of therapy.
And it can feel frustrating when you’ve come looking for answers and guidance, and none seems to arrive.

The truth is that therapy works differently to how many people expect.

The therapist isn’t going to tell you what to do – but they will reflect back what you’ve shared and help you hear it differently.

Sometimes the most useful thing is to tell the therapist exactly what you’re feeling in the room: “this feels a bit awkward, I don’t know what I’m meant to say.” That kind of honesty can open something that no amount of prepared talking would reach.

Telling your therapist that you’re stuck is often where the real work begins.

As for whether to try again – yes, if you would like to develop your self-awareness, or you would like help dealing with a challenging situation you’re going through, or if you want to explore something that keeps coming up for you.

But perhaps with a different therapist, or when you feel ready to do that.

Timing matters enormously in therapy.

Sometimes we go and we’re not quite ready, but it can still plant a seed and prepare you for when it is the right moment.

If the therapist isn’t going to fix me or tell me what to do, what’s the point?

This is a completely fair question, and the answer is worth sitting with honestly.

The reason you came to therapy in the first place is almost certainly because you can’t resolve something on your own. Not because you’re not capable, but because some things genuinely need another person, a different perspective, and someone who is trained to help you.

A therapist won’t tell you what to do.
But they will help you hear what you’re actually saying – sometimes for the first time.

They’ll reflect back your own words and feelings in a way that lets you understand them differently. And in that space, things that felt impossible to work out on your own often begin to make sense.

It’s not passive. It’s not just talking into a void.
But it does require a willingness to sit with the process, even when it feels uncertain.

The insight comes – it just rarely arrives on a set schedule.

A therapist I saw before didn’t feel like the right fit. How do I find someone I can actually trust?

The relationship between a client and a therapist is genuinely one of the most important parts of the process.

Not every therapist is right for every person.
That’s not a failing on either side. It’s just human.

A few things worth thinking about when you’re looking:

Does their approach make sense to you when you read about it? Does it feel accessible rather than clinical or distant?
Do they offer an initial call? Most therapists offer a short, free introductory conversation – use it to ask questions and notice how you feel when you speak with them, not just what they say.
Are they registered with a professional body such as the BACP or COSCA? This gives you a baseline of training and ethical standards.
Do you feel heard in those early sessions – even before anything significant has been shared?

Trust your instincts.

If something isn’t working for you, even if you can’t name why, it’s okay to say so, or to try someone else. And if you feel you’ve gone as far as you can with one therapist and want to go deeper, moving on is not a failure. It’s part of the process.

When something keeps stopping you

I don’t feel ready to admit, even to myself, that I’m not coping. Will therapy push me somewhere I’m not ready to go?

A good therapist won’t push you anywhere.

Therapy always moves at your pace.

There’s no expectation that you’ll open up everything immediately, or that you’ll go to places you’re not ready for – that can make you ill. In fact, one of the most important things a therapist does is hold that boundary – to help you feel safe enough to go at whatever pace is right for you.

Sometimes people come and spend the first few sessions talking around the edges – and that’s completely valid.

Often that’s exactly what’s needed: a chance to settle into the space, to notice whether you trust the person, to give yourself permission to be there at all.

That process has real value, even if it doesn’t feel like work in the conventional sense.

There’s no pressure to explore anything you’re not ready for. The pace is always yours.

Someone suggested I should try therapy. But something in me resists. Why might that be?

Resistance is very understandable – and often very telling.

Sometimes it comes from not really knowing what therapy is, and imagining something more frightening or clinical than it is. Sometimes it comes from a deep fear of going inward – of peeling back layers that have become hard-packed over a long time. And sometimes, honestly, it comes from not feeling ready. All of those are valid.

What I’d gently say is this: you can only do this for yourself. Not to please someone else, not because someone told you to. If the timing isn’t right, it isn’t right – and pushing yourself before you’re ready rarely helps.

But if you’re reading this page, something brought you here. And that something is worth paying attention to.

The fact that you’re wondering is already the beginning of something.

I’m worried that once I start, I’ll open something I won’t be able to close again. Is that a real risk?

This is one of the most honest fears people bring, and I understand it completely.

The short answer is: therapy doesn’t open things that you’re not ready to hold. A skilled therapist works carefully with this – they’re always paying attention to how you’re doing in the room, to what you’re ready for, to when to slow down. It’s not a process of ripping things open and leaving you with the pieces.

What often happens instead is that things surface gradually – in a way that makes them easier to manage than the version you’ve been carrying alone. Bringing something into the light and taking a careful look at it with someone safe beside you is usually far less frightening than the fear that comes from keeping it hidden away.

And if something does come up that feels too much: you can say so. You can slow down, or stop, or come back to it another time. You are always in control of what you share and when.

Practical questions

How long does therapy last? Do I have to commit to something ongoing?

There’s no fixed answer to this, which may be reassuring. Therapy can be as short or as long as you need.

If you’re coming through an Employee Assistance Programme at work, you’ll likely have six to 10 sessions. That can be a useful starting point – enough to begin making sense of things and finding some tools that help.

If you’re coming privately, the pace is entirely up to you.

Some people come weekly for a few months. Others go fortnightly or monthly over a longer period. Some dip in and out as life requires.

There’s no one right way. What matters is that it works for you – practically and in terms of what you need.

(A note on EAP sessions: if you’ve had up to 10 sessions through work and found them helpful, the free resources on this website – videos, reflections, and guides – are designed to help you continue that journey at your own pace.)

How do I know if I’m making progress? It doesn’t always feel like anything is changing.

This is one of the trickier things about therapy – progress sometimes doesn’t feel like progress while it’s happening. It tends to show up in small, quiet ways before you feel it in obvious ones and start to use the tools more regularly and build the practices into your everyday life.

You might notice you’re slightly less reactive in a situation that usually triggers you. Or that you caught yourself thinking something and chose to respond differently. Or that a conversation that would have been impossible six months ago happened – and it was okay.

These small shifts are the work, even when they don’t feel dramatic.

It’s also worth saying: nothing about this is a quick fix. You haven’t arrived where you are overnight – the patterns, the habits, the ways of seeing yourself and the world have built up over time. Changing them requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to keep going even when it feels slow.

Be kind to yourself about the pace. Small steps, taken consistently, become something much bigger over time.

Can I come to therapy if I’m already on medication for anxiety or depression?

Yes, absolutely. Therapy and medication work in different ways, and for many people they complement each other well. Medication can help stabilise how you’re feeling; therapy works with the underlying thinking, emotional, and relational patterns.

It’s always worth letting your therapist know what medication you’re taking, not because it changes the core of what happens in sessions, but because it gives them useful context.

And if you have a GP or psychiatrist involved in your care, it can be helpful for them to know you’re also in therapy, so that everyone is working in the same direction.

What if I cry? Or feel worse after a session?

Both of these are completely normal – and worth knowing about in advance, so they don’t come as a shock if they happen for you.

Crying in therapy is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It’s often a sign that something has been reached or released – that you’ve touched something real, something that needed to come out.

It’s safe to cry. You won’t be judged for it, and you won’t be left with it. Your therapist will be there with you.

Feeling a little tender or unsettled after a session can also happen – particularly if something significant comes up. Think of it like a kind of emotional muscle that’s been gently worked. It can feel tiring afterwards. It’s a good idea to give yourself time after a session to go for a walk, to help your body and mind process what you’ve been feeling and working through.

If you consistently feel worse after sessions over a longer period, that’s worth raising with your therapist – either as something to explore together, or as a signal that the approach or the fit might need revisiting.

Taking the first step

I know I probably need some help. But I’m nervous about making that first call. What should I expect?

First: the fact that you’re at this point – knowing you want help, even feeling nervous about it – takes more courage than it might seem. That matters.

The most important thing to remember when you make that first contact is that you are completely in control. This is your time.

You don’t have to be there. You choose to be there – and you can always choose otherwise. Keeping that in mind can make the call feel much less daunting.

Most therapists will offer a short, free introductory call before any sessions are booked – as I do.

This isn’t a therapy session. It’s a chance for you to get a sense of the person – to ask questions, to notice how you feel in the conversation, to decide whether you’d like to take things further. You’re not committing to anything by having that call.

And if you want to be honest with the therapist about your nervousness, please do. “I’m not sure about this” or “I’m a bit anxious about being here” is a perfectly valid thing to say. It’s a real place to begin, and a good therapist will welcome it.

What is the free introductory call actually for?

The free 15-minute introductory call isn’t a therapy session, it’s a conversation.

A chance for you to get a sense of how I work, to ask any questions you have, and to notice whether you feel comfortable.

It’s also a chance for me to better understand where you are and what you’re looking for, so I can honestly let you know whether I think I’m the right fit for you. Sometimes I might suggest a different kind of support – and that’s a useful outcome too.

If you want to share something in that call – if something comes out that you needed to say – I’ll hold it carefully. But I’ll also be honest: it isn’t a therapy session, so we’re both clear about what it is.

There’s no obligation on either side. It’s simply a conversation to see whether this feels like the right next step.

I’m not sure therapy is right for me – but something brought me to this page. What would you say to me?

I’d say: something brought you here. And that something is worth listening to.

You don’t need to make any decisions today. You don’t need to know whether you’re ‘ready’ or whether this is definitely for you. You don’t even need to fully understand what it is you’re looking for.

You’re allowed to just notice that you’re wondering. To sit with that for a while. To read a little more, or watch a video, or come back to this page another time.

And whenever you do feel ready to take a step, however small, I’m here.

The wondering is the beginning. You don’t have to do anything else with it just yet.

Would you like to talk it through?

If something here has resonated or if you have a question that isn’t covered, please get in touch for a free 15-minute introductory call. No obligation, no pressure. Just a conversation.

You are Welcome to Request a call